In all fairness, these dead giveaways don’t usually surface in the first few months of a partnership. Most people would flee to the hills if they did. Certain unsettling characteristics are more subdued.
I’m a 25-year veteran psychologist, and the following is my greatest tip for spotting severely narcissistic persons early on:
5. They’re controlling with plans
Narcissists are adept at using subtle control. They might plan the entire dinner, insist on selecting the perfect site for a romantic picnic in the park, or show up at the last minute with flowers and concert tickets.
Should someone be able to appreciate interacting just in this way, they might be too inflexible to be believed.
They put on an event planning front so they can always get their way and never ask questions (no risk involved). It’s a play on words: You’re great as long as you let me do the things that give our relationship our special touch.
However, the most fulfilling partnerships can withstand change and an equitable distribution of the initiative when it comes to starting the fun.
4. They only point out your similarities
Another technique used by narcissists to strengthen their own ego is “the twin fantasy,” which involves inflating your similarities to the maximum extent feasible in order to make yourself feel unique: We both enjoy the same music! Isn’t it wonderful that we both like hiking, too?
If you bring up the disparity in your choices in food or music, or decide against the surprise night in favour of a scheduled date a few days later, you can encounter annoyance or even silence. The preservation of their feeling of uniqueness is a rigid investment for narcissists.
However, robust relationships can withstand a more leisurely pace, a degree of consistency, an acknowledgment of each individual’s uniqueness, and candid discussions about one’s emotions.
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3. They continue to provide an illusion of safety
The most narcissistic individuals manage their attachment anxieties by continuing to believe that they are so extraordinary, distinctive, or one-of-a-kind that they never have to worry about taking emotional risks.
We refer to this as “self-enhancement.”
Non-narcissists are able to appreciate simple connections without the constant barrage of compliments and heated texting. There are many different ways to show intimacy and affection in real relationships.
2.When they are faced with feelings of vulnerability, they become agitated
Saying something like, “I’m looking forward to seeing you on Saturday, and I love all the flirtatious texts,” During the week, I’d also like time to think about how I’m feeling and sleep. What if we wait till later to speak?”
“I don’t like games” could be a wounded response from a narcissist. They may respond by becoming withdrawn, making rude comments, replying slowly to messages, and eventually ceasing to exist.
Narcissists frequently find it difficult to deal with sensitive emotions like melancholy, loneliness, guilt, fear, or even disappointment because they don’t think anyone will genuinely care about them or support them.
1. They engage in ‘love bombing
Giving gifts, attention, and praise in excess is known as “love bombing.”
Another term for the behavior when it’s healthy is the “honeymoon phase.” Decades of studies have shown that treating our partners with such starry-eyed affection is not only enjoyable, but also a reliable indicator of how happy and long-lasting love partnerships will be.
Don’t be duped, though: when a date puts you on a pedestal and leaves little opportunity for enjoyment, the honeymoon phase of a first date quickly turns into love bombing.